All I wanted was a dusty corner
Away from him to hide
He had just hurt my feelings
He had just hurt my pride
But there was nowhere to go
In the trailer built for two
I was trapped in a cage
Like a tiger at a zoo.
It didn‘t get any better
His eyes of fury stared
My heart and body feared him
When I recognized that glare
I knew the hurts were coming
So I tried to brave the blows
But it didn’t matter what I did
I watched the hatred grow.
‘Repeat performance’ he said to me
‘But this time you really deserved it
Afterall, you’re not supposed to cry
The neighbors will think you were hit.’
OK, OK, just let me flee-
Far from the trailer for two.
And I will unlock myself from
this cage
The one like the tiger at the zoo.
cjm
circa 1988
I wrote this poem 31 years ago shortly after ‘the day in May’ written about in ‘Tin Trailer Captive’. Steel Magnolia first turned me on to the idea of ‘unlocking myself from the cage’ as she had seen and recognized a pattern among abused women to stay in their circumstances no matter who or what tried to convince them to leave. She described the cage with the lock on the inside. It was my first lesson in empowering women and men rather than enabling them. Sometimes, the last vestige of personhood and choice one has is to choose to stay behind bars or to unlock the cage, from the inside. Coaching and empowering an abused person to ‘unlock themselves’ is a valuable (and often lasting) motive to convey.