Sadie Speaks Spoken Word
Carry Your Tears
Carry your tears in buckets
Cause the fire is now ablaze
This little light of mine
Caught Holy Wind
And we are no longer afraid
To have our faith
Fanned into flame
Our voices touched with the hot coals of God
To speak with prophetic tongues
The church’s sexual rot
We’ve been weeping for ages
centuries, decades, Years
We’ve been wailing at the walls
of your churches for so long
And you never (ever) shed one tear
Now your calls for lament
So lame
Like bringing water buckets
To a forest fire
Your calls for mourning
So hollow
Public relations grief for hire
Your feigned surprise
Forced tear
Obvious resistance to admit
That you looked away
You looked away
You looked away
In indifference
You protected the unfit
It doesn’t surprise us
never fear
I hope it’s obvious we won’t quit
Because the God who sees
The God who sees
The God who sees
Cares deeply
And has the Holy Fire lit
You taught your little ones
‘I’m gonna let it shine’
And we are shining now
A forest fire of survivors
Lighting up the darkest hell
So drop your tears in a bucket
Mourn if you feel you must
Deal with your wicked indifference, your pride;
your lust
But if you get too close to the fire
You might just get burned
Cause there’s a whole army
of little lights shining
The truth kept secret far too long
And we know our strength
Doesn’t lie in your tears
I kinda don’t care you’re so sad
You don’t need to tell us the grief
Or the cover up or the mad
Cause you didn’t seem to be alarmed
When the children were wounded and horribly harmed
In unspeakable ways
For countless days
Under your lazy gaze
And turns of legal phrase
We’ve been crying a long time now
Welcome, to the ways of lament
Weep
Wail
In tears, travail
Carry your buckets;
fill your pails
Cause this little light of mine
I’m going to let it shine
And may the fire in me
Be like the fire of God’s Purity
May the flame I carry
Be the Light of Jesus
And may He burn away the ugly
The vile, the sexual rot
And may He give the wounded
A survivors' song
This little light of mine
We’re gonna let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
ss:cjz
5.26.22
Afternoon
It’s been 9 days since the Guidepost Solutions Report on the widespread, systemic and vile sexual abuse of the Southern Baptist Convention {SBC} was in the press cycle.
I started running the numbers in my head. Over 700 offenders were listed and statistically, 70% of abusers have 1-9 victims and 20% of abusers have 10-40 victims. So do the math. The highest figures are over 11,000 victims. Survivors think there are many more. Not all names made the list. Trust survivors, we know.
I perused 'The List'. I knew I couldn’t stomach the whole of it. After seeing child after child victim, my mind went to all the little ones in Sunday School taught the precious childhood songs of the faith. I wanted to paint: art therapy. And the only image I could conjure was a single candle against a pitch black backdrop of hell.
This little light of mine.
I’m going to let it shine.
I ran the numbers again. I thought of every survivor of abuse in the SBC— the gangrene in other denominations, at church camps, religious schools and religious colleges — all those at the hands of unchristian ‘Christian’ offenders— and I thought that all those single candles with solitary flames could start a forest fire.
And maybe that forest fire is a prophetic call to purity in the Church. Maybe our lights will make a difference in the hell of sexual rot among the darkness of indifference.
At the first, there were a few anemic calls to lament (from those other than survivors who hadn’t ceased our lament.) Then, the landscape got quiet again. As it always does. From this past Sunday, I listened to four services online — three of them SBC — and not one mention of some of the biggest church news I’ve heard in a long while. Not one prayer offered up for the survivors. Most of the churches talked about ‘celebration’ of some sort, all memorialized our fallen soldiers but none memorialized the sacrificed children at the altar of reputation, cover up and indifference. The silence speaks volumes.
Carry Your Buckets was born as spoken word. In the first two renderings, I could not speak it without tears. I could not sing it without weeping.
It was to my surprise, yet the Spirit’s confirmation, that Christa Brown, the leading survivor voice in SBC circles, wrote her memoir as This Little Light: Beyond a Baptist Preacher Predator and His Gang. Another survivor I follow named her non-profit, Kick at Darkness. The survivor community owes much of their healing to those willing to shine their lights and use their voices to speak Truth. It’s a high cost with little reward.
So let it shine, survivors.
Be ablaze with the prophetic voice of Jesus to the Church.
Lament, O Church, and take your cues from those whose tears yet stain our cheeks.
Pray.
Pray for survivors that we may be healed.
Care.
At least pretend you do.
Join our song.
We're going to let it shine.
If you need help processing childhood sexual trauma or sexual violence, please call 1.800.656.HOPE or visit the website rainn.org
You can report Southern Baptist specific abuse to Guidepost Solutions (linked above).
The likelihood that a person suffers suicidal or depressive thoughts increases after sexual violence.
94% of women who are raped experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) during the two weeks following the rape.9
30% of women report symptoms of PTSD 9 months after the rape.10
33% of women who are raped contemplate suicide.11
13% of women who are raped attempt suicide.11
Approximately 70% of rape or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime.12