• sadie.speaks

Spoken Word

Updated: May 31

Sadie Speaks Spoken Word



Carry Your Tears


Carry your tears in buckets

Cause the fire is now ablaze

This little light of mine

Caught Holy Wind

And we are no longer afraid

To have our faith

Fanned into flame

Our voices touched with the hot coals of God

To speak with prophetic tongues

The church’s sexual rot


We’ve been weeping for ages

centuries, decades, Years

We’ve been wailing at the walls

of your churches for so long

And you never (ever) shed one tear


Now your calls for lament

So lame

Like bringing water buckets

To a forest fire

Your calls for mourning

So hollow

Public relations grief for hire


Your feigned surprise

Forced tear

Obvious resistance to admit

That you looked away

You looked away

You looked away

In indifference

You protected the unfit


It doesn’t surprise us

never fear

I hope it’s obvious we won’t quit

Because the God who sees

The God who sees

The God who sees

Cares deeply

And has the Holy Fire lit


You taught your little ones

‘I’m gonna let it shine’

And we are shining now

A forest fire of survivors

Lighting up the darkest hell


So drop your tears in a bucket

Mourn if you feel you must

Deal with your wicked indifference, your pride;

your lust


But if you get too close to the fire

You might just get burned

Cause there’s a whole army

of little lights shining

The truth kept secret far too long


And we know our strength

Doesn’t lie in your tears

I kinda don’t care you’re so sad

You don’t need to tell us the grief

Or the cover up or the mad


Cause you didn’t seem to be alarmed

When the children were wounded and horribly harmed

In unspeakable ways

For countless days

Under your lazy gaze

And turns of legal phrase


We’ve been crying a long time now

Welcome, to the ways of lament

Weep

Wail

In tears, travail

Carry your buckets;

fill your pails


Cause this little light of mine

I’m going to let it shine


And may the fire in me

Be like the fire of God’s Purity

May the flame I carry

Be the Light of Jesus

And may He burn away the ugly

The vile, the sexual rot

And may He give the wounded

A survivors' song


This little light of mine

We’re gonna let it shine

Let it shine

Let it shine

Let it shine


ss:cjz

5.26.22

Afternoon

 

It’s been 9 days since the Guidepost Solutions Report on the widespread, systemic and vile sexual abuse of the Southern Baptist Convention {SBC} was in the press cycle.


I started running the numbers in my head. Over 700 offenders were listed and statistically, 70% of abusers have 1-9 victims and 20% of abusers have 10-40 victims. So do the math. The highest figures are over 11,000 victims. Survivors think there are many more. Not all names made the list. Trust survivors, we know.


I perused 'The List'. I knew I couldn’t stomach the whole of it. After seeing child after child victim, my mind went to all the little ones in Sunday School taught the precious childhood songs of the faith. I wanted to paint: art therapy. And the only image I could conjure was a single candle against a pitch black backdrop of hell.


This little light of mine.

I’m going to let it shine.


I ran the numbers again. I thought of every survivor of abuse in the SBC— the gangrene in other denominations, at church camps, religious schools and religious colleges — all those at the hands of unchristian ‘Christian’ offenders— and I thought that all those single candles with solitary flames could start a forest fire.


And maybe that forest fire is a prophetic call to purity in the Church. Maybe our lights will make a difference in the hell of sexual rot among the darkness of indifference.


At the first, there were a few anemic calls to lament (from those other than survivors who hadn’t ceased our lament.) Then, the landscape got quiet again. As it always does. From this past Sunday, I listened to four services online — three of them SBC — and not one mention of some of the biggest church news I’ve heard in a long while. Not one prayer offered up for the survivors. Most of the churches talked about ‘celebration’ of some sort, all memorialized our fallen soldiers but none memorialized the sacrificed children at the altar of reputation, cover up and indifference. The silence speaks volumes.


Carry Your Buckets was born as spoken word. In the first two renderings, I could not speak it without tears. I could not sing it without weeping.


It was to my surprise, yet the Spirit’s confirmation, that Christa Brown, the leading survivor voice in SBC circles, wrote her memoir as This Little Light: Beyond a Baptist Preacher Predator and His Gang. Another survivor I follow named her non-profit, Kick at Darkness. The survivor community owes much of their healing to those willing to shine their lights and use their voices to speak Truth. It’s a high cost with little reward.



So let it shine, survivors.

Be ablaze with the prophetic voice of Jesus to the Church.


Lament, O Church, and take your cues from those whose tears yet stain our cheeks.


Pray.

Pray for survivors that we may be healed.


Care.

At least pretend you do.


Join our song.

We're going to let it shine.



 

If you need help processing childhood sexual trauma or sexual violence, please call 1.800.656.HOPE or visit the website rainn.org

You can report Southern Baptist specific abuse to Guidepost Solutions (linked above).


Sexual Violence Can Have Long-Term Effects on Victims (rainn.org)

The likelihood that a person suffers suicidal or depressive thoughts increases after sexual violence.

  • 94% of women who are raped experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) during the two weeks following the rape.9

  • 30% of women report symptoms of PTSD 9 months after the rape.10

  • 33% of women who are raped contemplate suicide.11

  • 13% of women who are raped attempt suicide.11

  • Approximately 70% of rape or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime.12

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