My Soul Rages

In the Kubler-Ross book, On Death and Dying, she lists the five stages of grief as:

1. Denial and Isolation (some refer to it as Shock)

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance


My Soul Rages was written for a 13 year old girl whose mother had cancer. Her mother had been diagnosed when she was seven years old so a good bit of her childhood was shadowed by her Mom’s treatments, fatigue and navigation of the disease. At 15 years of age, she lost her beautiful mother to metastasized breast cancer.

This young girl seemed stuck in the anger stage of grief — who wouldn’t be at 13 years old and simultaneously facing all that junior high and puberty holds? So, with love and empathy, I penned this for her. When she was grown, I introduced her to this poem and she wept. Emotions stay with us a very long time. If you have lost your own mother, what a great sorrow you must face. Grief has so many nuances, layers and emotions packed into the experience of loss, death, terminal illness and trauma. May your soul find the rest of gladness and song after its wrestling with rage, ache and longing.

For little one

My Soul Rages

My soul rages within me

When I think of you

Leaving me behind

With the lonely few.


Without you here

But gone and in the grave

I feel sad, alone, depraved.



I know it in my head

That you’ll still be alive

Among the hosts of heaven

You will live and thrive…


But my soul aches within me

What can I say?!?

I miss you already

As you so often lay,


On the plaid couch

Looking out the window pane

I know I am a grouch

But I can’t stand the strain.


So, forgive me

If I don’t understand

My heart is young

I’ve been walking in a foreign land—


Where I don’t know the language

I can’t guess ahead

My future is frozen

Like the statue beside my bed


I’ll say it loud

So you can hear it one last time

I LOVE YOU, I do!

I wish those words had more rhythm,

More rhyme.


My soul longs within me

To hear those words whispered back in my ear

‘I’ll be OK, really’

Is what I need to hear


My soul rages

My soul aches

My soul longs

When will my soul be glad?

When will my soul sing?

When will my soul rest?

My soul wonders…


cjz

1998 November 27

10 am


 

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